Are you ready to JINGLE?!

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Santa is coming.

Scary Santa

And you better have been good… or else.

Which means it’s time to dust off your ol’ Christmas Spirit and BUY BUY BUY!

Or better yet, go down to the New Haven Green and enjoy the Christmas atmosphere without Macy’s telling you what to do.

Tonight marks the New Haven Tree Lighting Ceremony, and the Green will be properly Christmas-fied until New Year’s or so, I’m guessing (what, I should research these things?).

Tree Lighting Ceremony

The Tree Lighting Ceremony is geared towards the young and the young at heart! Which is you, dear reader. I can just tell from your youthful good looks and vibrancy.

Christmas Tree

I stole this from the Shops at Yale, pretty much daring them to sue me.

Starting at 4pm, the ceremony will feature live performances and children’s activities, as well as one of Santa’s many anthropomorphic clones, hayrides, the NHFPL Readmobile (you already have your library card, right?), holiday crafts, and of course, touch-a-truck.

I know what you’re thinking. You’ve always wanted to touch a truck before. But you’ve been too afraid to ask. Are you really ready? It’s a big moment in a young boy or girl’s life. You’ll always remember where you were when you touched your first truck.

It’s okay. The first time is always a little bit of a disappointment. You’ll get better at it, I promise.

Touch a Truck

“Okay, now call in a drone strike, it’ll be hilarious.”

Plus, my favorite thing is that they actually build little carnival rides on the Green, including a mini carousel and a Ferris wheel. If you’ve read my previous articles, you know I think the Green should be open to further commercial activities, but for now, we have to settle for a carnival Ferris wheel in the coldest months.

But you know what? It’s fun, it’s free, and it’s romantic. Plus, you’ll want something to settle you down after all the excitement of that truck-touching.

Here’s the Facebook event.

I… Need… More… Lights… !

Oh, just one Christmas tree isn’t good enough for you, huh? You need National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation-style lighting, right? You want your retinas to burn with Christmas Spirit!

Christmas Lights

Source: Wikimedia Commons

Luckily for you, the East Seals at Goodwill (whatever that is) puts on the Fantasy of Lights at Lighthouse Point, where you can drive through a virtual smorgasbord of Christmas lights pulsating into your Christmas soul.

It’s $10 and it does require a car. I’m guessing they aren’t gonna run the G bus through there, unfortunately. (That would be rad, though, in a super weird way.)

They also offer 3D classes, which is strange because the world is already operating in three dimensions. But hey, they’re only $2!

Fantasy of Lights

Source: Wikimedia Commons

I know, it looks like this whole thing is a trap to find and cook well-fed children, but I assure you, it probably isn’t.

What About Holiday Lasers?!

Ah, yes, nothing reminds us of childhood and Christmas more than lasers.

Source: Flickr

Luckily, New Haven has you covered. Every Friday and Saturday night, from 5 – 7pm, the Shops at Yale are broadcasting a Holiday Laser Show to Christmas Music on the buildings.

It’ll remind you of the time you used that laser to vaporize your younger brother. Your family never was quite the same after that, were they?

Now, I’d never advocate that my readers should show up somewhere stoned just to stare at lasers.

So let’s move on.

What If I Want to Engage in the Morally Questionable Practice of Being Dragged Around the Green by a Horse-Drawn Carriage?

Uhhhhhhh.

Well, every Sunday from 12-4pm, the City offers free horse-drawn carriage rides around the Green.

The only price is TO YOUR SOUL.

Guy breathing fire

There it goes!

Honestly, a lot of the complaints about horse-drawn carriages in NYC — long hours, being kept in terrible stalls while not working, are probably not applicable to the very part-time carriage rides here.

But it’s worth reading about.

Shop Til You Drop!

Did you know, Dear Reader, that the New Haven Parking Authority offers steep discounts for shopping in downtown New Haven? How about $3 for parking all day from 9 am to 4pm in the downtown garages? Or an hour free if you use Go! New Haven app to pay for parking. Or 4 hours free at the Shops at Yale with a $30 purchase!

All available until 12/30!

Now that’s not going to give you J.Crew money, but hey, it’s a start!

While you’re at it, why not buy a t-shirt from your favorite local blogger so he can recoup the costs of hosting this ridiculous site?

Look, a satisfied customer! One of… several!

While you’re working up an appetite, why not get 20% off lunch or dinner at Anaya Sushi, as they have so graciously sponsored this blog!

Anaya Sushi

This is totally legit, I swear.

I suppose you could pay full-price at some other restaurant which is TOO GOOD to advertise here, but it’s your funeral, pal.

But What if I’m Jewish/Muslim/Quaker/Scientologist?

Then Christmas isn’t for you, sorry.

I’m kidding. My father’s Jewish and we still celebrated Christmas. Trust me, there is nothing more Christian than co-opting another religion’s rituals cause it’s super fun. Try it!

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